Matt Campbell – Reflections on Life, Ministry and Scripture


My Battle
November 11, 2008, 5:41 am
Filed under: Church, Family, Leadership, Uncategorized | Tags:

One of the personal frustrations that constantly brews for me between the professional and personal is that of looking ahead vs. looking around. Or, put in other words, vision vs. impulse. Or, put yet another way, tomorrow vs. today. These two are always battling for control of my attitude.

By nature I do not tend to be visionary rather a bit more impulsive. It’s not that I don’t look ahead; it’s just that I have to work harder than most people to look ahead. In fact, I have to make myself sit down at the end of each week (and most days) to plan the following week otherwise I probably wouldn’t get much done. So I make myself consider what needs to be planned, prepped and/or pushed back and it helps me maximize my week considerably. But where I struggle is keeping my eyes up for long periods of time. I may spend two weeks working on the non-immediate, setting vision and keeping attuned to my agenda, but it’s like I hit a brick wall after some time and I put my head down. And for a few I seem to get lost in the moment. Ever been there?

During these days I think about being at home more often and consider leaving the office early to be with Nicole and Lily. During these days I am not as committed to prepping for lessons/sermons that are not immediate. During these days I play more MLB 2K6 and work on the house far more. During these days I am not as sharp as I’d like to be, though I am not bothered at the time. I think of fishing more often or consider getting out of town for a few days or staying up late to watch a movie. I guess you could say that rather than looking “ahead” I now look “around.” I like these days and wish I didn’t feel so guilty liking them.

I think one of the reasons I live in the moment from time to time is that I often struggle to see fruit from working with people. Maybe you’re not aware of this but fruit from vision casting in church leadership is rarely immediate. I remember one conversation with my brother Mike and him stating that just now after five years he is beginning to see some fruit in his youth ministry. So from time to time I get to the point where I need a jolt or buzz or something that offers instant gratification. I think this is why working on my house is rewarding (the results are immediate) or fishing is so enjoyable (immediate jubilee… and because fishing rocks). I also think this is why I enjoy preaching and teaching so much (I really feel like I accomplish what I set out to do).

I find myself praying for stamina often. But I also find myself wondering if isn’t such a bad thing. Sure, it flies in the face of about every leadership philosophy, but, still, maybe it isn’t such a bad thing. Today is as important as tomorrow, right??? I guess this is my leadership battle. On the other hand, leadership guru’s have probably arrived at the conclusion that I am just plain selfish and lazy. I guess everyone’s entitled to their opinion. But this is reality in my world and it “is” a battle.

When I set out writing this post I didn’t intend to get so caught up in the moment. Wait, shoot, I’m doing it right now. I better sign off before this gets too bad.

Peace…Matt c.

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